Zero confidence in the picks this week. You’re welcome.
Last Week: 8 – 7 – 1
Season: 8 – 7 – 1
Thursday (8:15PM ET)
Bills 31 at Dolphins 10
Tua Tagovailoa’s future is the biggest story from Thursday’s dud. His availability for the rest of the season is up in the air and even his career hangs in the balance now. I’m no concussion expert, but that hit wasn’t as violent as many concussion collisions, so Tagovailoa’s sensitivity toward head trauma is clear. He got paid. His financial future is secure. Let’s hope he does what is best for him and his family. As for the game, the Dolphins have looked dreadful for nearly seven of the eight quarters they’ve played this season. I know everyone loves Mike McDaniel but that seat should be getting warmer. He’s had two back-to-back late season collapses with no playoff wins and the team looks flat thus far. If you think that’s harsh, look around the league. Nick Sirianni reached the Super Bowl and started the next season 10-1 and still almost got canned because his team cratered down the stretch. Win or get out.
Early Games (1:00PM ET)
Saints at Cowboys
Maybe the Browns are way worse than everyone expected (Deshaun Watson certainly looked the part), or maybe the Dallas demise was way overblown. The Cowboy defense is still a terror and Micah Parsons is up there with TJ Watt and Myles Garrett when it comes to disruptive forces. Sure, the offense wasn’t lighting the world on fire, but the Browns defense is supposed to be one of the NFL’s best. COWBOYS -6
Buccaneers at Lions
One of the more impressive displays from Week 1 was Detroit running the football right down the Rams throat in overtime. A dominant offensive line is the greatest weapon in football outside of Patrick Mahomes or Josh Allen. BUCCANEERS +7.5
Colts at Packers
Is Green Bay really going to put Jordan Love out there? It’s way too early for this, but the NFC isn’t going to run away from the Packers after three or four weeks. Let your QB get healthy. Maybe you start 2-2 or 1-3. It’s fine. The season is long and you finished slow last year and still were a play away from the NFC Championship Game. The NFL season is a race but not a sprint. COLTS -2.5
Jets at Titans
There were some epic collapses in Week 1. The Jaguars were seven feet from going up 24-7 before a fumble and an 80 yard Tyreek Hill touchdown swung the game to 17-14. The Cardinals were up 17-3 early on the Bills. Neither of those collapses were as hideous as the Titans. Up 17-0 on a hapless Bears offense that mustered only 55 yards of offense in the first half, Tennessee imploded after halftime. Did Caleb Williams and the Bears offense find their footing in the 2nd half? No. Not even close. The Titans gifted the Bears all but three of their 21 2nd half points. A blocked field goal for a touchdown, a fumble that resulted in a field goal (Bears gained only 1 yard before kicking), and one of the worst interceptions you will ever see returned for… you guessed it… a touchdown. Will Levis’ reckless shovel pass to the sideline while being tackled was so stupid even Carson Wentz cringed. JETS -3.5
49ers at Vikings
San Francisco looked real good. Kyle Shanahan has had his issues in the Super Bowl but outside of that (and Andy Reid), it’s hard to argue there’s been a better coach in the NFL over the last five seasons. I ranked the 49ers as my number one bad vibes team this season and Cincinnati number two. Is it too late to switch? 49ERS -5
Seahawks at Patriots
I did not enjoy watching either of these teams, so allow me to share something I absolutely would watch. I want nothing more right now than for Travis Kelce to endorse Donald Trump for President. This isn’t a political thing. Both candidates are less than ideal, in my opinion. I just need to see the chaos. Does Taylor Swift choose love or tribalism? Could they even survive such a divide in their relationship? To watch millions of morons melt down because one individual thinks differently then they do would be an endless treat to someone like me. Come on Travis, do it for me. Thanks. PATRIOTS +3.5
Giants at Commanders
I thought Brian Daboll was a really good head coach. He had the Giants in the playoffs in his first season and last year’s debacle was the result of countless injuries. Or so I thought. Sunday was as inept as I’ve seen an offense since I turned from the Bears game. I know Daniel Jones is a mess, but you opted for that mess. You gave him the money and then you doubled down by not moving up for a quarterback. I could argue you even tripled down by taking a wide receiver. As awesome as football is, it can be really disgusting sometimes, too. The Giants were one of those offenses in Week 1. COMMANDERS -1.5
Chargers at Panthers
Carolina’s best player went down for what looks like the season, the guy they traded their future for looks unplayable, and there isn’t an NFL stadium more depressing and more empty than Carolina’s. I mean this and I do not say it lightly… the NFL may need to move this team and remove the owner to salvage the franchise. CHARGERS -5.5
Browns at Jaguars
Deshaun Watson is lost. I’m sure the off the field issues are haunting him. I can’t imagine he remains the starter unless he makes a drastic change soon. As a Brown, Watson is averaging less than 200 yards a game, just over 6 yards per attempt, his completion percentage is under 60 and his touchdown to interception ratio is 1.36 to 1. Not great. Cleveland’s backup is Jameis Winston. The wins and losses may not change under Winston but the excitement will be through the roof. JAGUARS -3
Raiders at Ravens
The Raiders were the Week 1 team that was better than I expected. I know it’s weird to say that about a team that only scored 10 points and turned the ball over multiple times, but the offense looked competent and the stat sheet mostly went Las Vegas’ way as well. There were two very large exceptions, however; the aforementioned turnovers and the run game. The Raiders were demolished in the run game. We’ll have to pay attention to whether that’s this teams Achilles heel or if the Raiders were just another victim of Jim Harbaugh’s winning formula. RAVENS -8.5
Afternoon Games (4:05PM ET)
Rams at Cardinals
Cooper Kupp is the most fun receiver to watch. His footwork is impeccable. His hands are second to none. I don’t quite understand how the Rams didn’t cover against Detroit but my account balance says they certainly did not. RAMS +1.5
Steelers at Broncos
Bo Nix looked like an NFL athlete last week. Unfortunately, he did not look like an NFL quarterback. Throwing the ball 42 times with a rookie quarterback is an ambitious strategy from Sean Payton. Maybe the increased workload gets the issues out earlier. I always thought a rookie quarterbacks best friend is a solid ground game but Denver threw the football ~20 more times than they ran it, Chicago was ~10 and the Commanders were anywhere between 15 and 25 because Jayden Daniels took off so many times who knows what they were calling. Are we done with helping rookies grow into the position? We’re just throwing them in the deep end and hoping they figure out how to swim? STEELERS -2.5
Bengals at Chiefs
Travis Kelce is very, very famous, has a superstar girlfriend, is in a plethora of commercials, and makes more money off the field than he does on it. He’s also an all-pro football player. My question is this: Has any other player at that level of both performance and fame been so content and enthusiastic to do the little things on a football field? He blocks with the same effort as a jumbo package tight end. He celebrates his teammates successes like your little brother when he just wants to be part of your crew. I legitimately believe Kelce when he says he just loves playing football because everything he does on the field points solely to that conclusion. Also, the Bengals were a disaster last week. I knew the vibes were bad there, I just didn’t realize how bad. I’m taking the points anyway because I’m a fool. BENGALS +6
Sunday Night (8:20PM ET)
Bears at Texans
I stopped watching Caleb Williams halfway through USC’s season last fall. He tried to do too much and was forcing the football downfield. It wasn’t fun. In his defense, he was USC’s only hope to win, so it wasn’t like he had much other choice. I saw the same thing Sunday. You can’t scramble in the NFL like you do in college. Defenses are too fast and someone at Williams size is going to get injured if he exposes himself to that many hits. Maybe it was nerves (but he doesn’t get nervous) or maybe the Titans defense is that good (doubtful)? I think this season will be fascinating to watch because there are three receivers in Chicago who are accustomed to getting a lot of opportunities and if Williams and the offense can’t deliver… yikes. TEXANS -6.5
Monday Night (8:15PM ET)
Falcons at Eagles
Kirk Cousins is coming off a major injury and is in a new offense on a new team. I’m not going to declare him a free agent bust after one week, especially when TJ Watt was in his face all afternoon. However, if Atlanta wants to be the offense they hope to be, they need a downfield threat. Ray-Ray McCloud is fine but he’s not the answer. Just like he wasn’t the answer in San Francisco, Pittsburgh or Buffalo. The Eagles pass rush is not on the same continent as the Steelers, so expect Cousins to look better Monday night. EAGLES -6.5