Welcome to the debut of my newest weekly post. This week includes the Colts, Tom Brady, Todd Haley, and more. Without further ado, your weekly reminder that, regardless of how little you know about NFL football, there’s always someone dumber than you.
For those of you that don’t know, ProFootballTalk.com is a website run by Mike Florio, a lawyer who loves football. Florio offered unique commentary, broke news about personnel moves (cuts, signings, trades, etc…), and often irked traditional football writers with his sarcastic style and “unprofessional” approach. After gaining attention and popularity, NBC partnered with Florio. Now, ProFootballTalk (PFT) and Florio are a part of NBC’s nationally televised NFL Sunday night broadcast as well other NFL programming on Versus.
That’s the back-story. Here’s why it matters. In addition to the latest NFL news and Florio’s unique insight, I visit PFT for the reader comments. I could easily kill an hour or two running through the insightful, hilarious, ignorant, and just plain dumb comments from NFL fans like myself. So, I thought, why not highlight my favorites every week?
[Editor’s Note: Each heading links to the actual post at ProFootballTalk. Every comment posted is in its exact form; so don’t blame me for poor vocabulary or grammar issues. Comments will also be attributed to their rightful owner, because at 4thanddone.com, we don’t do plagiarism.]
LeGarrette Blount complains about playing time
Synopsis: Pretty self-explanatory here. After Tampa Bay’s week one defeat to Detroit, Blount wants more time and touches.
Comment from talkintrashallday: “Then he punched Raheem Morris in the face for calling Kellen Winslow, and not him during the lockout.”
Analysis: Well done. Funny on multiple levels. Morris is Tampa’s head coach. The NFL recently investigated him for contacting players like Kellen Winslow during the NFL lockout. A big no-no. Also, as many of you may remember, LeGarrette Blount was the Oregon player that coldcocked a Boise State player following Oregon’s defeat two years ago. I know, jokes aren’t funny if you need to explain them, but I feel it’s my obligation here. Sorry.
Tony Romo: “We lost this game because of me.”
Synopsis: None needed
Comment from jaggedmark: “You didn’t have to tell us Tony. We were watching.”
Jim Caldwell considers Colts’ issues correctable
Synopsis: Unless you hate sports or live under a rock, you probably know Peyton Manning is out with a neck injury, possibly for the whole season. Indianapolis’ first outing without Manning was a complete disaster.
Comment from mikerol124: “As a Jags fan, I just hope they win a few games so Andrew Luck isn’t a thorn in our side for the next 10 years.”
Analysis: An excellent point. Let’s pretend for a moment that the scenario actually plays out like this. How unlucky/unfair/torturous would it be for the Texans, Titans, and Jaguars to be torched by Andrew luck for the next decade or so? And to think the Colts fell into Luck because Manning suffered a freak injury is plain evil. Manning’s injury finally leveled the playing field in the AFC South. For once, the Colts suffered. Yet, somehow, the Colts turned Manning’s injury into Andrew Luck. I should admit I’m secretly rooting for this to happen so conspiracy theories about Manning signing a lucrative new contract to fake a serious neck injury so the Colts could land Andrew Luck, live on for years.
Tom Brady wants Patriot fans nice and drunk for game time
Synopsis: When asked about the home opener, Tom Brady offered, “Yeah, start drinking early. It’s a 4:15 game. They have a lot of time to get lubed up, come out here and cheer for the home team.” Later, a Patriots spokesman came out and said Brady meant he wanted everyone to drink plenty of water to stay hydrated and drink responsibly.
Comment from numberonesteelersfan: “Gotta drink that water responsibly…dont want to be peeing the entire game.”
Analysis: Technically, numberonesteelersfan is right.
Todd Haley says point the finger of blame at Todd Haley
Synopsis: Again, self-explanatory. The Chiefs got smoked in week one. It’s not unusual for a coach to accept the blame.
Comment from gocaps8: Quoting article – *I just know that we weren’t ready, Haley said. The Buffalo Bills were better prepared than the Kansas City Chiefs.* “But I bet that Lil Wayne concert was so worth it.”
Analysis: Possibly my favorite comment of the week. During training camp, Todd Haley attended a Lil Wayne concert because he “likes” Lil Wayne. Plus, the Chiefs used one of Wayne’s songs in their pregame montage thingy and Haley wanted to show his appreciation. An old, white head coach at a rap concert ’til the morning hours, during training camp no less, is funny on too many levels.
Bonus Comment from joelvis72: “Which Finger?”
Analysis: Never mind, this is my favorite.
Until next week.