Bad football cost the Commanders more than a drive, the Colts are careening off a cliff, and the Buccaneers hate themselves.
I told you I was going to get crushed last week. Too many favorites. So why did you take so many favorites, you moron? Because morons do moronic things. That’s what makes us morons. And you know what? We’re going heavy on the favorites again this week! Bring on the pain.
Last Week: 5 – 10 – 1
Season: 11 – 19 – 2
Thursday (8:20PM ET)
Falcons 35 at Packers 14
I thought the Packers would find a way to beat a Falcons team that lost four in a row with Michael Penix Jr under center. I was wrong… way wrong. Green Bay can’t stop the run, can’t run the ball, can’t defend the pass, and struggles to throw the ball. I don’t know if we’re seeing the end of the Jordan Love era or the collapse of the Matt LaFleur regime. Something needs to change, though, because the last three weeks have been dreadful.
Early Games (1:00PM ET)
Chargers at Billls
The Chargers took a 14-10 lead over the Raiders halfway through the 3rd quarter in Week Two. Los Angeles’ next five drives went as follows… 5 yard drive – punt, 18 yard drive – punt, fumble, interception, safety. The Cardinals and Raiders were supposed to be a nice on ramp for the Chargers season. Instead, they’re 0-2 and four of their next five are on the road against Buffalo, Seattle, Kansas City and Los Angeles with a home Broncos visit sandwiched in between. RIP 2026 Chargers. CHARGERS +7.5
Panthers at Browns
It was only one week against a bad Falcons offense, but I told you there is too much talent on that Panthers defense for it to be that bad. Cleveland is another offense that struggles mostly due to poor quarterback play. Yes, the Browns got a win last week, but that Buccaneers team may be a mess. I like Bryce Young and this Panthers offense to continue to light up the scoreboard. PANTHERS -2.5
Jets at Lions
Aaron Glenn watched hopelessly as the Packers managed to burn off the final 61 seconds of regulation last week despite running only one play at the 2 second mark. At any point he could have called a timeout to prevent a Hail Marry attempt. Sure, the Hail Marry was a flop as Jordan Love was sacked, but why are NFL head coaches so bad at this part of football? Do the Jets not have anyone on the headsets responsible for game management? LIONS -6.5
Texans at Colts
Essentially a survivor game here. Since 1990, only five teams have made the playoffs after an 0-3 start. Yes, the playoff field has expanded and another game added, but the percentage still sits below 3%. If the Colts were to lose, Shane Steichen could even be shown the door. I’d like to weigh in on the Colts owner nonsense. Man or woman, I can’t stand when the owner is on the field unless it’s to receive a trophy after a victory, and even then, I prefer not to see them. It’s fine if the Colts owner wants to have a headset and evaluate everything. She has every right to do so, but she can also do it from a suite or a coaches box. Instead, she opts to be on the sideline in a very public manner. I can’t help but see it as a publicity stunt. This season is trending toward disaster. TEXANS -1.5
Chiefs at Dolphins
Miami is stuck with Malik Willis this year and next. With a heavy quarterback draft upcoming, the Dolphins should have their pick of the litter to find their future franchise cornerstone. You know, just like Ryan Tannehill and Tua Tagovailoa. CHIEFS -10.5
Titans at Giants
That’s a tough loss for the Giants. I’m going to read into things that I have no actual knowledge on, but who cares… The Commanders lost their quarterback and continued to battle against the Cowboys. A bogus call took a touchdown off the board, but the Commanders hung in that game until the final drives of the 4th quarter. The Giants, on the other hand, had no air in their lungs after the Jaxson Dart injury. In a weird way, I think this proves how much that New York locker room embraced Dart and his toughness. They were devastated. You could tell. Emotionally they had nothing to offer after Dart was done. The Commanders? Shoulder shrug and kept it moving. Sure, that’s probably the mindset you want your team to have, but couldn’t it also be an indication of how one quarterback is beloved, and the other is seen as a diva focused more on his own interests? Again, this is a stretch, but I also have a PHD in watching sports from my couch. TITANS +2.5
Bengals at Steelers
Pittsburgh is a broken team. They’ve valiantly fought a terminal disease the last couple of seasons but now they’re on hospice. It’s over. We’re just waiting for the final grains of sand to flow through the hourglass. I would love to take the home dog against a division opponent here, but I just don’t see how the Steelers score, let alone move the football. BENGALS -3.5
Seahawks at Commanders
Washington displayed some bad football at the end of that 1st half in Dallas and it resulted in a season-altering injury. Washington had two timeouts with 29 seconds to go and a 1st and 10 at the Dallas 14. Jayden Daniels scrambled for a one yard gain, forcing Washington to take its 2nd timeout. That’s just bad football. Maybe he’s still a young quarterback, but in year three as a starter I would hope my quarterback knows you have to throw the ball away to preserve both clock and timeouts. One yard is not worth the squeeze in that scenario. Bad football #1. A few plays later the Commanders had 1st and Goal from the Dallas one yard line with no timeouts remaining and 12 seconds on the clock. That should be plenty of time for three pass attempts into the end zone and still kick the field goal on 4th down. Instead, Daniels held the ball a little too long on both 1st and 2nd down, leaving only 3 seconds left on the game clock. Washington gets the ball out of the half. It’s a seven point game. Kick the field goal, go into the half with an opportunity to take the lead on the opening drive of the 3rd quarter. Nope. The Commanders go for it, Daniels’ foot is stepped on, he falls, injures his elbow, the play fails and the season goes up in flames. Bad football often leads to bad outcomes. SEAHAWKS -7.5
Patriots at Jaguars
New England’s offense is a real problem. Drake Maye is heading down Mac Jones boulevard and the guy the Patriots brought in to boost the offense is out for at least another three weeks. Jacksonville collapsed in that 2nd half against the Broncos. Hopefully it was a glitch, but that half resembled the bad version of Trevor Lawrence. He was late, he was low, he was high and he was behind. JAGUARS -3
Afternoon Games (4:05PM ET)
Cardinals at 49ers
The Cardinals fooled me last week. While they hung around for a half, they completely fell apart against the Seahawks. The 49ers are once again struggling to keep pass catchers healthy. I think Arizona can keep this one close. CARDINALS +8
Vikings at Buccaneers
Tampa Bay can’t get out of their own way. They’re 2nd in the NFL in turnovers (or 31st depending on how you look at it). They don’t score touchdowns in the red zone (28th in the NFL at 37.5%), and they’re tied for 30th in sacks allowed. Against the Browns in Week 2, Ted Hurst dropped a touchdown that would have essentially won the game. I’m not ready to give up on the Buccaneers just yet, but at some point they have to stop beating themselves or their season will be over before Halloween. BUCCANEERS +1
Ravens at Cowboys
I don’t know what to make of the Ravens yet. Their defense is struggling and Dallas will have plenty of opportunities for big plays. With that said, I think we all have the Dallas defense figured out after just two weeks. They are bad. Against scrambling quarterbacks they are really bad. RAVENS -3.5
Raiders at Saints
The Saints lost to Detroit by one point on a failed two point attempt and battled back to take out the Ravens. Both on the road. Both come from behind. The Raiders took out the woeful Dolphins and the underachieving and incompetent Chargers. I love the Saints here. SAINTS -3
Sunday Night (8:20PM ET)
Rams at Broncos
While the Rams looked impressive Monday night, I can’t ignore how heartless that Giants team was after Dart’s departure. If you watched Denver’s victory in Week 2, they turned the tide on Jacksonville by getting relentless pressure on Trevor Lawrence. Lawrence can move. Matthew Stafford cannot. BRONCOS +2.5
Monday Night (8:15PM ET)
Eagles at Bears
I don’t care who is at quarterback for the Bears. Two things remain unchanged. First, the Eagles offensive line is an absolute mess. If the Eagles can’t run the ball, they will continue to face desperate situations to keep drives alive. Yes, the Eagles currently rank 1st in the NFL in yards on 3rd down. Unfortunately, that is also a product of being ranked 31st in yards on 1st down. This is not a sustainable recipe for success. Second, any 3rd string QB can hand the ball off. Last November the Bears rushed for 255 yards at over 6 yards per carry against the Eagles. If the Eagles can’t tackle and stop the run they will have no shot, even if Jalen Hurts and the offense are lights out on 3rd down. BEARS +5